Follow Through
The Cultural Underbelly of Groups
It’s the weekend after the 'first day at school'.
We're in Sydney and decide to extend our stay to visit friends. They're youngest had survived his first day at school and they were gearing up for 'the first full week'. Over a glass of wine in the dappled shade in the back garden discussion turns to our friend's involvement in the Parent Committee at school. They tell us how they are Treasurer and Secretary, and they organise all sorts of extra-curricular activities and fund raisers for school equipment and updates around the school grounds. Aside to the usual property, family, and economy discussions it couldn't be more stereotypical Gen Y conversation.
But, things get juicy when they share how little some parents get involved and how the heavy lifting falls on the usual suspects. And, what is intriguing is the description of the stern and authoritative interview they went through with the principal when applying for their children to attend the school. Parents are asked if they will 'get involved' in the parents committee and school events. It is expected for them to lend a hand and contribute. Everyone duly responds, "yes sir/madam" as anything else would risk admittance to the school.
Images of the headmistress in Matilda come to mind.
So, I couldn't help asking, "whats all that about?"
The idea is clear - everyone does their little bit and all the kids get more opportunities, better equipment, and social events. Along the way, funding and awareness for charitable causes may occur too. So, why is it that some parents (many in this case) are not being held accountable to cook a sausage, blow up some balloons, or set up chairs once or twice a year? Why is it that an expectation is set so clearly, yet it is not followed through?
The obvious answers may look like this:
It takes time and energy - principals, teachers, and the parents carrying the load are already knackered. Sound familiar?
It is uncomfortable - holding people to account and holding them to their promises (when broken) is as enjoyable as shoving a shard of glass in your own eye
It is not easy to do - how do you go about it? How do you personalise it? How do you do it on mass? Leaving it in the Too Hard Basket is more than tempting
Honouring these reasons why we bork at following through on the standards we have set, we can turn our mind to possible ways to overcome such barriers.
Image Source: rethinkingthebrain.com
Dr Mark Williams talking at a school about the importance of connection. Mark has featured on multiple documentaries and his book, The Connected Species is a great insight into the mechanisms of connection and why it is so powerful in our society.
How can we keep ourselves more accountable to keeping others accountable?
Now is your friend. In the first meeting the Principal could have a calendar of events ready for people to put their names to. Or, tell them the next step/conversation when their commitment will be required. We can do this - take one action in the moment to gain commitment. Plans can always change, and people can re-neg but the marketing world has taught us that it is better to take a barrier away from opting-out than opt-in.
Drift is your nemesis. A week goes by... a fortnight... a month... half a year... and, it is all forgotten. You can hear the response now, What application interview? Remind me what the Parent's Group does? What do you need me to do...? Recency bias is strong in humans, meaning long periods of time between discussions will be lost into the ether of life. Keeping people accountable now becomes the hardest work we will do. Whatever we have agreed with people needs to be spoken about often. As one of my most impactful mentors, Mette Haxthausen always said to me, "repetition, repetition, repetition".
Make it attractive. This is one of James Clear's foundations of habit building. If you want to run more, get some sexy trainers. If you want to eat healthy, cook from your favourite Jamie cookbook. If you want people to muck in on school events, make it fun/exciting/interesting. Mark Williams, one of Australia's leading neuroscientists and author of The Connected Species talks about the importance of forming In-Groups and Out-Groups. In fact, this happens naturally in any group of humans. So, relate the commitment you are holding people to with the in-group - ie. the people in the Out-Group will feel left out and not part of the gang. This is a powerful human motivator. Leaders fail to utilise this inate part of our human make up all too often.
To be clear, this article has nothing to do with parents groups, school principals, or raising money. But, it has everything to do with accountability - or the lack of it. Turning the tables on this heavy and often stressful topic is crucial to so many of our roles - especially those in leadership positions. I like to look at it like this - instead of accountability being heavy, make following through do the heavy lifting.
Banner Image Source: The Movie My Life
